I'm A Bad Man

I run this one stop sign on my way to work every morning
take pleasure in the misfortunes of others as long as they're not too bad
spit on the sidewalk and I don't always wash my hands
judge people by their appearances
stole from WalMart by accident once and just took off when I realized it
totally ignoring Student Loans and paying EI very slowly
sometimes I light my cigarettes in doorways
don't give two shits about Gaza
drink on weekdays
fart in elevators
and I killed a guy in back of a bar this one time
or maybe saw that on TV
point being, you ought not to fuck with me, motherfucker.

Abject Terror At The Carwash

oh god dear lord
what the bloody hell is that?
my father is battling some kind of horrible
spraying hose-beast
it's so steamy in here and loud
man, is it ever loud
that waxy horrible frozen hose-beast
is trying to kill my dad and steal our car
I'm strapped into this horrible moulded plastic seat
thrusting against my nylon restraints,
bawling at the top of my lungs but,
nobody else in here seems scared of it
I assume that that is part of its terrible power
probably terrorizes babies like me at gas stations
all over the country

I HATE THAT THING!

it circles our car and seems especially loud
when it goes past my window
my dad seems to be laughing
but I can't hear him over the monstrous roar
of that terrible waxy frozen hateful hose-beast.
can't escape it
can't believe my Dad paid $3 for this!

IT STOPPPED...

oh thank god,
it stopped
a p parent ly my father
has bested the abomination
Obama Nation?
never you mind
the radio must've been on



I'm a godamned baby fer chrissakes!
what do I know from wordplay?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_play,
bitches.
Fuck it. I'm out.