_nice things_

I love you, you know

everything about you

I love your body

my body loves your body so much it sparks and sizzles

you talk to me like I'm real even when I'm not

you're changing our life and letting me come with you

you smell like heaven all the time

and you're a child-goddess in the morning all warm and sleepy

you're stronger than me and I love that

but you don't take advantage

you should know how I do feel so much about the way you are

fuck like a demon, you do, if I can say that

and your voice is kind and good

I appreciate that you listen to my nonsense

that you laugh at my dumb jokes

you're brave when I am fearful and confident when I'm unsure

smart as a whip but you don't make me feel stupid

and I'll chase you and tickle you and bite you

I love you, you know

reprogram

I'm so fucking tired


I'm more tired than you, you fucker


I'm so goddam tired I don't know what I'm gonna do


probably nothing


maybe anything


change up your shit when you're not even paying attention


not take credit for it


I probably won't even remember


but I'll keep you up all fucking night just the same


listen


listen you bastards


somebody listen to me


fine I'll just listen to myself


my eyes are watering


but I'll soldier on

that olive hung off the fork, glaring at me with its pimento eye

she'd gotten up to go to the bathroom and seemed to be taking an awfully long time

bipolar mania was touching my soul

she knew what she wanted but she just didn't know how to go about about getting it

wasn't really looking for any kind of excuse

just blurted it out

the pharmaceutical ads are so detailed and frightening these days

maybe we didn't know each other like we thought we did

it'll skip a generation again

she's having another shower, second one in an hour and I wonder if I said something dirty

I

went out without my woman last night
told dumb jokes to strangers
watched people get drunk
get happy
get mad
watched people try
watched people fail
got drunk myself, actually
sang karaoke at the gay bar
told more strangers the same joke
nobody got hurt, nobody died
pissed on a power transformer but nothing happened
tried to convince people to come up to the house again
they politely declined again
it's nice to get out sometimes, on your own.

224 and Counting

getting fat.

61 lbs. heavier than I was 3yrs ago.
people say, "No... really? Well, you carry it well!"
but I can feel my thighs rubbing together.

this young woman, Catherine maybe?
I've been staring at her for about 3yrs now.
she's beautiful in every way I like a woman to be.

a dancer, she dances at the bar, dances on the street.
she shakes those hips and I go all wobbly inside.
can't be more than 21...

we always have these long, free smiles when we pass.
I tell myself she knows I'm checking her out,
that maybe she even likes it the way she smiles back.

wears these short, striped skirts over her jeans and hypnotizes me.
got drunk one night and told her friend I thought she was amazing.
she still smiles at me, in that sly kind of way.

but now I suck my gut in when I see her.